living this life new

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

More and more, I am becoming me.

It took me this long to get here.

Fewer and fewer things in this house. A miniature car, bright orange. No more of that corporate work that bound me to this desk from 3 AM, sometimes until 10 PM, sometimes, work that made me less than pleasant (but only sometimes, I think, I hope). Only the books I want to read twice or three times in the house, and the ones I buy now are the ones I want, not the ones I feel an obligation to.

The work I do is the work I want to do. Reading the middle-grade books that carry the grown-up wisdoms. Reading the memoirs that I will teach. Profiling the people and places that inspire me, like Elisabeth Agro, say, who has revolutionized crafts in my city. Talking to other writers in real ways about the real work we hope to do.

I lived decades measuring my life by what I thought of as "real work." I was, I boasted to myself, making the correct sacrifices. I am trying on something new. Living my life as measured by my passions. I don't know how far this will go. But I'd be so mad at me if I didn't try it.

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oh, the places I'll go

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Last evening, between storm surges and convention watching, Bill and I finished filming the sixth video in our memoir series (see our introductory video here). We put the finishing touches on the packet we're about to send to the first dozen writers (we love them all already) who will be joining us for our five-day workshop on the old farm in September. We looked, again, ahead.

Here's where I'll be (when not in this house reading and writing memoir) over the next few months:


On August 4th, I'll be at the Stone Harbor Yacht Club in Stone Harbor, NJ, sharing my Jersey Shore novel, This Is the Story of You and reading some of the Jersey Shore pieces I've written over time (a chapter in Small Damages, a chapter in Love: A Philadelphia Affair). We'll also have some memoir writing fun. The event begins at 3:30.

On September 4, I'll be in Decatur, GA, for that most amazing AJC Decatur Book Festival, sharing a panel (at 2:00) with young adult writers Alexandra Sirowy and Ami Allen-Vath.

On September 11, I'll be on a farm with the incredible memoirists who have said yes to the inaugural Juncture Workshop series.

On October 15, I'll be joining fiction writers Angela Flournoy and Toni Jensen, poets Robin Coste Lewis and Chloe Honum, YA fantasy writer Brenna Yovanoff, mystery writer Will Thomas, and romance author Sherry Thomas at the University of Tulsa in Oklahoma for the Nimrod Conference Readers and Writers.

On November 1, I'll be in Cape May, NJ, for the second Juncture Workshop.

On November 8, I'll be conducting training for the T/E School District.



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introducing the Juncture video shorts: lessons on memoir for readers and writers

Monday, July 25, 2016



Over the past several weeks I've been here in my pretty little house reading and re-reading some of the world's great memoirists as I prepared for a series of six video shorts that will soon go live on Udemy. Think of Virginia Woolf, Alison Bechdel, Maggie Nelson, E.B. White, Abigail Thomas, Sy Montgomery, Angela Palm, James Baldwin, Helen Macdonald, Ta-Nehesi Coates, Chang-Rae Lee, Annie Dillard, and a variety of others all showing up for the same party. I'm hosting that party.

Bill, meanwhile, has been building (yes, building) a teleprompter, fixing the lights, turning on the camera and the voice recording equipment, and not making too much fun of me when I falter and we have to begin all again.

(I make him cookies. He forgives.)

This video tells you more about what this series is. I'll be reporting back when it is officially available. But if you have any interest and want us to send you an email when the whole series is fully live, just send us your address through the Juncture Workshop site (here) and we'll get back to you.

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in the Philadelphia Inquirer: my morning with the incredible Elisabeth Agro

Saturday, July 23, 2016




Several Fridays ago I had the extreme pleasure of spending a morning with Elisabeth Agro, the Nancy M. McNeil Associate Curator of American Modern and Contemporary Crafts and Decorative Arts at the Philadelphia Museum of Art.

She inspired, educated, danced. She was alive, passionate, smart. She was breeze on a summer day. I adored her.

And so I wrote about Elisabeth for the Philadelphia Inquirer in this weekend edition that extends an open welcome to politicians, delegates, media, and conventioneers. Why not take a break from the balloons and debates and slip in among the art? Why not go to a quiet, thoughtful place and ponder the future of us?

A link to the story will go live on Sunday.

Meanwhile, those of you arriving or departing from Terminal D at the Philadelphia International Airport will perhaps notice the LOVE display that was unveiled a few months ago, in anticipation of this week. Based on the essays and photos in my book Love: A Philadelphia Affair, that mural, too, celebrates the museum as part of a broader celebration of our region.

We hope for peace and intelligent conversation this week. We hope to be a city well received and well remembered.

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in Chicago Tribune: the inherent wisdom of middle-grade books

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Several few months ago, I sat on the couch in my family room reading and re-reading middle-grade books. I had reached an end of sorts with young-adult fiction—had grown concerned about the divisions, the animosities, even, that festered among some YA camps and were splitting writers from writers from (ultimately) readers.

I read the most beloved of the new middle-grade stories to be alive again to pure story itself. I read in search of binding patterns. I read, and I thought.

This essay, now published in Printers Row/Chicago Tribune, reports back on some of the thoughts I had. What makes a middle-grade story lasting? What gives a middle-grade tale wisdom of the transcendent, inarguable sort?

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All the Wonders: a conversation (and some news)

Tuesday, July 19, 2016


Sometimes everything falls into place. A dear friend becomes an agent. She sells (she does!) a book (two books). She forges a link to another special person. A conversation begins.

Who hasn't listened to an All the Wonders podcast and thought, Oh, my. What intelligent questions. What a happy dialogue. What a voice that Matthew Winner has. Who hasn't secretly hoped for the chance to be a guest?

Thanks to my agent, Danielle Smith, thanks to the sale of that book (those books), thanks to her generous linking of me to Matthew Winner (a writer, librarian, husband, dad, and All the Wonders wonder), I had my secret hope answered. I'm episode 272, and during our conversation I talk about the making of sentences, the intrusion of the writerly impulse, the story called THIS IS THE STORY OF YOU, and, well, my new news. Matthew reads from my book. So do I.

All of that is here.

Thank you infinitely, Mr. Winner and, of course, the remarkable Ms. Danielle Smith.


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my father's house, settled, and in such very good hands

Monday, July 18, 2016

A few weeks ago, my last day at my father's house, I took this photograph.

An empty house. An empty room.

A journey ended.

This afternoon my father and I joined our beautiful realtor, and my friend, Marie, in an office down the road. We were handing over the keys to my father's house. A lovely young family is moving in. They will make this home their own.

A journey begun.

Thanks to all of you who have joined me on this journey of deep discovery, sometimes frustration, and, today, peace. So much is wrong with the world. The sale of this house to this family is not one of those things.

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my Radnor High commencement speech: a video

Friday, July 15, 2016


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With thanks to Don Bain (for letting me know) and to those who captured this moment on film. Forever grateful.

These words feel particularly relevant today, in this world that keeps breaking our hearts.

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Juncture Workshops takes yet another step forward

Monday, July 11, 2016

When I left the vagaries and (often) cruelties of corporate America behind this past May, I wasn't only leaving something. I was stepping toward something new. We've called it Juncture Workshops. You know what it is—an intense focus on memoir and how it might be taught in ways that radically reinvent both community and self knowledge, literature and the single sentence.

Over the past few days we've been laying the groundwork for a new Juncture element—a series of brief video interludes that introduce (in Series 1) paired memoiristic essays (unexpected pairings, pairings that delight me, pairings I've not taught before) that reveal both the inner workings of memoir and the essential eruptions of memory.

We're filming our first one tomorrow. We'll be releasing the whole as a set on a teaching platform toward summer's end. I post this now because it's exciting to me—to discover these connections, and to share them.

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scenes from a day of small-town unity, in Kutztown

Sunday, July 10, 2016






At the Kutztown Folk Festival, Bill and I found hay balers, glass blowers, pot throwers, hex signs, the son of a Lebanese immigrant who has perfected leather. We found people, together. Open sky. A de-complicated Sunday after a most anguishing few weeks.

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finding, in our books, the persons we must be now.

Saturday, July 9, 2016

I write less here on this blog than I used to. The conversation I am having is mostly with myself. When my son calls and asks how I am—when friends ask—I have no news, no funny anecdotes, I am mostly absent. Perched on the edge.

I am reading, I am writing, I am reading more. I am reading memoirs or novels that might have been memoirs or books on the meaning of story. Eileen Myles (Chelsea Girls). Alison Bechdel (Are You My Mother?). Maggie Nelson (The Argonauts and Bluets). Decca Aitkenhead (All At Sea). Sarah Manguso (Ongoingness). Heidi Julavits (The Folded Clock). Ta-Nehesi Coates (again). Claudia Rankine (again). Joan Silber (The Art of Time in Fiction).

Every time I slip inside these books I am living, for a spell, as other. Walking, as they say, in others' shoes.

The news is crisis. It is a madness that requires us to absent ourselves from ourselves so that we might occupy the heart and mind of others. White. Blue. Black. Whatever color it is: take your own off, put another on, and see. Feel. Think.

Two weeks ago I taught memoir to a group of six who, in their glorious differences, were gorgeously one. Tonight we will have dinner with friends who know and love us. In between I am seeking, in the books I read, a path toward greater empathy and knowing. So that when I return to me I'll be bigger than I was. More capable of making some kind of earthly difference.



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I should have seen her talk: Eileen Myles, Chelsea Girls

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

I made a mistake this past semester at Penn. I failed to go see Eileen Myles. She was there, in two-day residence, and I might have grabbed a seat when Al Filreis was doing one of his famous Kelly Writers House Fellows interviews, but I allowed my overwhelm (and the late SEPTA trains) to rule me.

So I didn't see Myles talk. And my students—David, Nina—they shook their heads. David said, Here, borrow my book, but of course I would not take it, for he'd written his own words next to hers and his whole body spoke of admiration. Nina said, She really was so good, she really was (Nina's gorgeous big eyes looking so sad for me). I shook my head, apologized.

Then I bought Chelsea Girls. I shook my own head at me. Because Myles writes like somebody smart might talk—rapid fire, scandalous, self-enthralled and self negating. She is beautiful and demanding. She needs and she takes. She hopes her poetry is part of her goodness, she steals from her affairs, she thinks a lot about what she wears (orange pants and bleachy shorts and Madras shirts and nothing), she has a lot of sex. And by the way, this is not memoir (it says novel on the cover), but the character is Eileen Myles and in the novel Eileen Myles does a lot of stuff (gets her photo taken by Robert Mapplethorpe, say) that Eileen Myles actually does in real life.

What I liked most: the nearly inscrutable ineluctable gorgeous stuff that forces your reading eye to stop. Sentences like these:

The whole process of your life seemed to be a kind of soft plotting, like moving across a graph which was time, or the world.

You knew she was a good person because she held back at moments of deepest revelation. She did not spill, and I always felt that to push her a bit would be sloppy and expose my own lack of a system of conduct.

You can't force a story that doesn't want to be told.

It's lonely to be alive and never know the whole story. Everyone must walk with that thought. I would like to tell everything once, just my part, because this is my life, not yours.

What I think: Like Anne Carson, Maggie Nelson, Paul Lisicky, Sarah Manguso, others, Myles is a form breaker, a smasher-up of words, a funny person with a serious talent. I should have seen her talk.

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may the skies be

Sunday, July 3, 2016

It was dark this morning when I began my work. I wasn't looking up; I was looking inward. Traveling the curve of time toward my childhood.

Toward this memoir I am making.

I needed proof of something after a while. A box where memories are kept. And so, still not looking up, still only looking in, I left one room for the other.

My eyes adjusted to present time. My words to present tense.

July 3rd. Four-thirty A.M. May the violence cease. May the skies be all the color we need. May the skies unite us.


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the Juncture ad

Friday, July 1, 2016

We continue, at Juncture, to reach out beyond our own borders. Here is our first full-scale ad, which will run at a large conference in August.

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in which my student, Anthony Ciacci, writes of home and shines in the Pennsylvania Gazette

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Last semester, in my classroom at Penn, we focused on home—how the stories of our lives (and how we tell those stories) ultimately tangle with this construct.

As part of the Beltran Family Teaching Award program, I invited my current and past students to write of home for a special publication my husband and I designed. When Anthony Ciacci, a student from a previous year, responded with his essay, I was thrilled—loved the piece so much that I whispered its existence into the ear of Trey Popp, a Pennsylvania Gazette editor and friend. (Trey kindly visits my class each year to talk about editing and publishing, and I've been blessed to find my students' work appear in the Gazette pages, including these pieces.)

The rest, as they say, is history. This week, in the ever-gorgeous Pennsylvania Gazette, Anthony's piece, modified slightly for print, appears with its own lovely illustration and shine (read the full story here). I could not be more proud—nor more happy. Anthony is a big-souled guy, an extraordinary brother, a faithful son, and a talent. We need hearts like his at this time.

Congratulations, Anthony.


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the embattled memoirist (me)

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

And so, with memoir, I begin again. Writing toward an idea. Teasing remembrance. Stuck in the morass of something I can almost see.

One wrong sentence in ten long pages requires a rewriting of those ten pages. One wrong sentence is the false note that proves the premise wrong, casts doubt upon the entire enterprise. If I can't get that sentence right, then I can't get that memory right, then I can't settle on meaning.

When we say we love to write, we are also admitting to being half in love with the wars we spark within ourselves.

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a conversation, and a medley reading of my books, with Carla Spataro

Thursday, June 23, 2016



Yesterday, as part of this week-long teaching at the Rosemont College Writers & Readers Retreat, Carla Spataro asked me questions about themes (and food) and then invited me to read. I chose to share what I think of as postcards from my books—the opening words from stories—Small Damages, Going Over, One Thing Stolen, This Is the Story of You, Flow—that take place around the world.

The video captures some of that. I am grateful for the conversation.

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Juncture has a new web site (and our next newsletter is launching soon)

Monday, June 20, 2016

Juncture Workshops has a new web site to accommodate our growing number of offerings. (We've added a Cape May, NJ, workshop; we'll be conducting a one-day workshop in a major garden next fall; and we'll be offering videos and online instruction by year's end. The new site makes room for all of this.)

I share the link here.

And: Those of you interested in joining the conversation are welcome to sign up for our newsletter (through the Juncture web site). The fourth edition features thoughts on the place of poetry in life stories, brilliant commentary by poet/memoirist Brian Turner, new "homework," a reader response, and memoir commentary and critique. It's free. 

Existing subscribers, please look for the next issue within the coming 24 hours.

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to sit and watch the sea

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Not long ago, in Cape May, I came upon this scene. Two dear friends talking up in the abandoned lifeguard chair. Side by side, and then some.

This is friendship. This is conversation. This is what we hope for, even when we sometimes disagree. To return again, to lift our feet again, to sit with another and watch the sea.

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my parents' wedding album—found in the final cleaning of my father's house

Thursday, June 16, 2016



This afternoon I joined my father at the family home for one more clean out. It was the attic this time, my sister's things, the leftover tools in the furnace room. Enough to fill the garage, once again, with bags and boxes and mountains of trash.

Every cleaning has offered its reward. This time the reward was gigantic, and unexpected. My parents' wedding album. Stuffed on a shelf in an attic beside an old microscope and beneath a box of bleached sand dollars.

I snapped these photos quickly.

Aren't they beautiful? And didn't my grandparents have style? And look at the kiss my grandmother gives my mother.

Treasure.

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it is time to be among friends

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Yesterday I met my dear friend Debbie Levy (our friendship tracing back to a happy pairing at an Alexandria, VA, bookstore) at Longwood Gardens and, over lunch with one of her good friends, celebrated the good news in Debbie's life.

Last week, I walked Valley Forge Park with my dear friend Nazie Dana (our friendship tracing back to early young adulthood and a crazy/lovely architectural magazine venture) and, through paths carved out of tall grasses, reflected on much that has happened since we saw each other last.

Today I will walk the Radnor Trail with my dear friend Ellen Brackett (our friendship tracing back to our college days), and, as we pass the signposts of history, we will speak of sons and ideas and homes.

This is how I spend these days. In mourning since Orlando, absolutely. In celebration of the love there very much still is.

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everything I am, in a single window

Sunday, June 12, 2016

If I were to name the single window in my living room, I would name it "self portrait."

"self portrait," lowercase, because we can't take ourselves that seriously, but still, here, is the microcosm of me. A lamp my mother gave me. A skull I bought for my husband. Growing things, courtesy of my father. A polymer bowl, bought from the shop that now features the clay of this skull-loving ceramics genius. Up above, a ring box from when I was a kid, a glass hummingbird, a glass sea horse, a pair of ornamental ice skates because I could once land a double lutz. A car carved by a friend of my son. Art from Krakow. A small bit of porcelain that I'd given my mother and then gave back to myself, in the long year of cleaning her house. A fan from Spain.

The world beyond. The neighbors with whom I've become friends again.

Sometimes the living takes long.


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CE Morgan on beauty, evil, lack, and not asking permission

Saturday, June 11, 2016

In 2009, CE Morgan's All the Living showed up on my doorstep for review. I didn't know who this writer was. I had no expectations. But, as I wrote then, I was very quickly awed:

But here was a first novel so self-assured and unto itself, so unswerving in its purpose, so strummed through with a peculiar, particular, electrifying sound, that I found myself reading in a state of highest perplexion, and also gratitude and awe.  Maybe the gratitude came first, for All the Living is a novel about the hardest things—about grief and lonesomeness, about desiring much and staying true, about loving through and forgiveness.  It’s a novel that makes you think on all of that newly, and that spares nothing and no one in the process.  

Recently Morgan published her second novel, The Sport of Kings, and it is getting the kind of attention a writer of this caliber should. I plan to read it. I have not yet. The purpose of this post is to share an interview CE Morgan conducted with Commonweal magazine. She's not one to talk too much about her process. This interview provides a rare glimpse. I highly recommend that the interview be read in its entirety, here. But for now, I share some of the fragments of the conversation that have me thinking on this day—and will keep me thinking for a very long time.

On moral beauty and evil: "I think of moral beauty as what is the good and the just—terms perhaps best defined by their opposite: evil. Evil is the willingness to do damage to the other; its maximal expression is murder, but it includes a great deal of subtle and not-so-subtle injuries as it advances to that extreme. Evil acts reduce the other to an object, a being to its component parts, and obliterate subjectivity. Evil’s breeding ground is a lack of empathy. So I locate moral beauty in an other-regarding ethic. Or perhaps it’s better to say it’s not located anywhere, because it’s not a static entity. It’s love, and love is not a feeling but an action."

On the power of lack:  "I often think there are three primary responses to suffering—rage, intoxication, or growth. We either want revenge for our pain, or we numb ourselves with the endless array of intoxicants available to us, from drugs to overwork, or we grow in empathy. Emptiness can transform into spaciousness; lack can become an agent of social action. But I think many of us struggle to remain on that third path without backsliding into the other two. I do."

On writing the other: "The injunction to justify race-writing, while ostensibly considerate of marginalized groups, actually stifles transracial imagination and is inextricable from those codes of silence and repression, now normalized, which have contributed to the rise of the racist right in our country. When you leave good people afraid to speak on behalf of justice, however awkwardly or insensitively, those unafraid to speak will rise to power."




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At the 120th Radnor High Commencement

Thursday, June 9, 2016


Last evening, at the 120th commencement of Radnor High School, I watched 293 beautiful students cross the stage at the Villanova Pavilion. Listened to families and friends roar for them. Admired the teachers and administrators, librarians and coaches, band leaders and artisans who have helped lead them to now. There was Adam Thomson, a young man who grew up in my church. There was Morganne Boulden, whose father, Tom, was (back in our own Radnor day) and still is a deeply appreciated friend. There were the builders of non-profit foundations, the athletes, the painters, philosophers, mathematicians, the seekers and doers—each one special.

Principal Dan Bechtold, Superintendent Dr. Michael J. Kelly, and students Andrew Ciatto and Katie Wakiyama—thank you for making last night so entirely memorable for me. A condensed version of my remarks will run in this Sunday's Philadelphia Inquirer, on the front page of the Currents section. For now, this, below. For always, congratulations.


The sky was on fire when I rose to write these words. A swell of orange. A streak of flax. Mad and wonderful cinnamon reds. The sky was on fire, but there was also, oddly, rain, and the comfort of bird talk, and the huff of an old bus traveling the road just beyond. A school bus, in its end-of-school-year rounds.

I sat on my couch and I thought about you. I thought about your journey to now, to this place beneath this famous dome. Your classmates beside you. Your admirers in the stands. Your teachers and coaches and administrators near.

Your mortarboards crushing your coifs.

Your tassels eager for the toss.

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