I Emerge

I emerged from the long dream that is the writing of a novel with a desire for freshly cut flowers. I brought them home. I cleaned the house and threw a tea party for friends. I sat with the accumulated papers, the magazines, and read. I ordered books, embraced their arrival. I said yes to a new opportunity and plunged in, heart first. I said yes to another opportunity, despite the fact (because of the fact?) that it will take me, on many days, to a city that is not my own.

And I said, No, I will not be used anymore as I have too often allowed myself to be used. I will say what I am thinking, without apology. I will not pretend, because pretending isn't honest. I will gather close to those whose motivations I understand, whose hearts I trust, whose interests stretch beyond their own selves, whose capacities are bridged and bolstered by acts of tenderness.

I wrote a novel, and then I emerged. I am older than I was. It is easier to do right in the world when you know what you want from yourself.