Life Unpromising?

Friday, October 31, 2008

In the November 3, 2009 New Yorker, Dan Chaisson, whose articles, essays, and poems I'll stop and read anytime, anywhere, reviews Words in Air: The Complete Correspondence Between Elizabeth Bishop and Robert Lowell, a 900-plus page tome edited by Thomas Travisano and Saskia Hamilton.

Reading the review earlier today I felt bereft, somehow, lonely, off course—really, I can't explain it, save to quote for you this paragraph, which foists upon me questions about my own writerly ambitions and constraints and operates as a smack across the mind. Because I write life, whether in memoir, fiction, or poem. I write life. I seek to make life promising.

"Poets live on two tracks: on one, life chugs along in the usual ways. On the other, art, which starts late but soon catches up, has its own landmarks and significant episodes. Interiority isn't mapped by biographical fact; that happens on the other track. And so 'life' is an exceedingly difficult and unpromising subject for art. Bishop aimed for a dispassionate, even eerie objectivity, an effect that was incompatible with autobiographical writing. Lowel, the gifted parodist of persons and manners, found it comparatively easy to turn to his own person and manners, but in doing so he risked giving up the dazzling special effects of his early, Miltonic poems."

Read the whole thing here, for yourself.

http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2008/11/03/081103crbo_books_chiasson

Read more...

Happy Halloween

If you remember me blogging about the impeccable John Bell and his "Mikado" earlier in the week, you'll remember that I made mention of his beautiful and talented wife, Andra, who happens to be the star dancer in our ballroom studio, but not only that, she's gracious and smart and thoughtful and works as a reading specialist by day. She's the one who's making sure that children will be able to navigate, to enjoy, to look forward to the books they'll find all through their lives, the stories that wait for them. She's the kind of person for whom all of us writers should be grateful.

Andra also writes terrific emails, and last night she brought me up to speed on the costuming plans where she works. Think of a nurse masquerading as a Miss Diagnose. Think of the male principal, Miss Chief. Think of the literacy coach, Miss Understood. Then put tiaras on their heads and sashes across their shoulders, and this will be school in one part of the world today.

We teach children how to grow up every day. It's a rather grand thing when children teach us to stay young.

Later tonight I'll be tangoing with my husband at the studio, holding my breath through our first spotlight number alone. After two plus years trying to learn ballroom separately, we're forging a path through song together. I don't really care how it goes, what mistakes get made. I care only that we're trying.

Read more...

Do Not not Cross Tracks

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Last night I sat at dinner with a gorgeous 15-year-old girl who told me just part of her story. The tumor that first appeared when she was 13. The tumor that returned. Her last eight months lived inside the walls of a hospital, and, at night, within the gracious, truly good rooms of a Ronald McDonald house.

She didn't, she said, remember the color of her own hair.

She hasn't gone home, not one day, in the past eight months.

Her wig was black.

Her skin was porcelain.

She will be, she said, smiling, then taking true pleasure from the thought, Snow White for Halloween.

We fashion heroines for our novels, we tread up and down the street of our own worries, and out in the world all around us are people like this young woman who are living lives we can't imagine, living those lives gracefully.

I got on a train. I took a ride. I crossed the tracks, beyond myself.

Read more...

The Wisdom of Children

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I'll be down in North Philadelphia today with the children of Centro Nueva, taking photographs as the children take photographs—as they document their world. We'll be inside a neo-natal ward, down on the courts of SquashSmarts, at dinner with those families temporarily living inside a Ronald McDonald House. Children (my son included) have always taught me the most important things about how to see and what to think, which conclusions not to draw.

The world is a slippery place, and these days we're all sliding. We're watching the green and mostly red arrows on Wall Street, the confidence polls, the housing starts. We're studying the houses themselves—the seemingly permanent posting of For Sale signs, the half-built homes that now stand naked and incomplete in roaring weather. We're waking up to the news that Doubleday has laid off 10% of its staff, that publishing houses can't much afford to invest in new books, that Barnes and Noble, which fought so hard to dominate the bookselling market, is once more clamping down, so thoroughly diminishing its orders of new books that many titles are guaranteed oblivion right directly out of the gates. Monopolizing bookselling was never—but we all knew this—a good idea.

We writers understand that our futures, like all futures, have changed. That it's going to be a whole lot harder to sell the books we love—to editors, to the book-buying public. The choice I'm making, in these difficult times, is to keep working. To read better. To think harder. To go out into the world with children, for example, and see the world as children see it.

We cannot control the forces about us. We can control how we live through this, who we are through this, how we emerge. I need the wisdom of children more than ever. I need that kind of courage.

Read more...

So That We Might Sing

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I have written often, on this blog, about the wonder and power of a truly good editor. Indulge me as I revisit the topic. For yesterday afternoon I received final notes from Balzer & Bray (at Harper)'s Jill Santopolo for my fourth YA novel, The Heart is Not a Size. She'd caught a few things here and there—a time lapse, an apology that needed tweaking, a scene that might fare better early on—and she'd done her line edits, too, noting those places, she said, where "I could feel the writer behind the words" or "when a certain image pulled me out of the story because I wanted to spend time decoding." She'd done all this while on the road with another author, and she'd done it because she cares that the book be as right as we can make it.

It won't be hard to imagine the happiness I felt this morning, then, when I returned to those pages to make them better, to twang and twist them, to sharpen and sear. The sweet second chance is, I think, the writer's greatest privilege: that image we didn't see coming, that story that grows more true, that note in the margin that exhorts us, Try again.

The singing that gets done in the crafting of final prose.

Read more...

Hope in a Black Box Theater

Monday, October 27, 2008

At DeSales University these past several weeks, John Bell, Chairman of Performing and Fine Arts, has been directing "The Mikado," that classic Gilbert and Sullivan opera that, though first performed in London in 1885, prevails as comedy and satire even now. (Who today could not, for example, assemble 'a little list' of people 'who would not be missed' for the Lord High Executioner?) With the opera staged in DeSales' black b0x theater, those who were privileged to see the sold-out show sat at the very edge of a fine flirtation. Performers. Audience. Magic.

I grew up in a household where musicals ruled—"The Music Man," "The Sound of Music," "Windjammer." I knew the words to all the songs, my brother (a preternaturally gifted whistler) accompanied, and no couch was safe from being stood upon as we, in our turn, took the stage. It was what we did instead of most things. It taught me respect for the form.

Bell is a choreographer and composer in addition to being a chairman and director, and sitting there in the audience on Friday night it was impossible not to notice how brilliantly he and his students volumized that show—wheels of color on the painted floor, stacking boxes to give the actors height, parasols to catch and convey the sweet-hued light, percussive fans. With hardly more than a piano, a triangle, a gong, those snapped-fast fans, a rap-like dance, the sneak of new lyrics inside old tunes, this "Mikado" was a contemporary triumph.

Most of all it was a triumph for the freshmen, sophomores, juniors, seniors who were given the chance to make it their own.

You watch a performance like "The Mikado" on a campus like DeSales beside John and his (tremendously wonderful and talented) wife, Andra, and the mess of stock markets, housing markets, politics, fear fades for awhile; hope creeps in. Here are artists, you think. Here is the work that they yield. Here is their joy in yielding. Here is the light beyond the tangle of now.

Read more...

In Hovering Flight

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Ever since the goldfinches began appearing outside my window (my mother's spirit, I've thought, I think), I've been paying closer attention to their effervescence—the way their feathers go green, then gray in autumn; the way they'll sit on the spokes of their feeder, calm, while the bright male cardinal, the blue jay, the squirrel look with envy from the tree.

In Hovering Flight, Joyce Hinnefeld's glorious first novel, is, therefore, the perfect book for me this weekend. Perfect because it is about birds, ecology, mothers and daughters. Perfect because so much of it takes place not far from my own part of the world, in Bucks County. Perfect because if it is masterfully wrought—quiet yet momentous, cohering, heartfull, whole. Hinnefeld is a gifted, informed, intelligent writer—careful, tender, never excessive—and in unraveling this story about a bird-loving professor and the student who becomes his wife, this story about their daughter, this story about eco-activism and a decision to die, Hinnefeld yields what feels to be a true, uncompromised story in language clear as bird call.

Listen, for example, to these few lines from Flight's beginning. It would have been easy to muck this up with too many words, too many adjectives, some compound metaphor. Hinnefeld restrains herself, avoids complication, and yields the tang of beauty:

"What she wanted was not only to draw birds but to understand them, to come as close as she could to feeling what it was like to fly with hollow bones. To sit atop a warm and throbbing egg within a delicate bed that rests in the crook of a branch. To sing not from something like a human throat but from a place deep within the breast."

I'd had plans for months to buy this book. Ron Charles' review in last Sunday's Washington Post made me feel as if I could wait no longer:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/10/16/AR2008101603318.html

Read more...

Writing out of Loneliness

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Memorialized this past week at New York University, David Foster Wallace, who recently died of an apparent suicide at the age of 46, was brought to fleeting life once more by those who knew him best—those who had received from him, learned from him, studied him, been sustained by him.

There is this line in the New York Times coverage that stopped me just now: "Mr. Franzen said he and Mr. Wallace, over years of letters and conversations about the ethical role of the novelist, had come to the joint conclusion that the purpose of writing fiction was “a way out of loneliness.”

I hold to that, too. I hold to fiction as a cure, or partial cure, or cause for hope, or essential distraction from the rain you wake up to, the doubts in your head, the daily desolation that you have not yet said what is most true, you have not yet crafted the story that reveals you. And therefore something waits. Therefore you must wake and you must write and you are not alone.

Your fiction is with you.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/24/books/24wallace.html?_r=1&ref=books&oref=slogin

Read more...

In my Dreams

Friday, October 24, 2008

I woke from a dream just now in which I was chatting with Michael Ondaatje. He had a shop (I don't know where) and a young son (all dark-haired, tiny), and he sat behind a wooden counter that was stacked about with books. I was working, I told him, on a research project involving a composer who claimed his music was based on Ondaatje novels. I wondered what Ondaatje himself had to say about his writing sparking a legacy of song.

Ondaatje was gracious. He shifted his son in his arms and lifted the composer's work from my hands. He was quiet, then looked up and told me, No. No Ondaatje's work had not inspired these songs. Look more carefully, he said. Think more deeply.

I was ashamed, of course I was. But I wake determined to make this day one of deep thinking and careful seeing.

Funny how authors keep talking to us, even if we've never met them.

Read more...

The New Novel

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Some of you have kindly asked what I've been writing lately, what project percolates. There's one I've been working on for quite some time, a novel-in-progress that takes place in 1876. I share a few lines from it here with the hope that I might soon return to it:

From up high, everything seems to spill from itself. Everything is shadowed. The cool at the base of trees. The swollen lip of river. The dark beneath the cliff stones at Rockland, where she had gone last week—taken the steamer, hiked to the summit, and stayed until almost too late. “Oh, Katherine,” her mother sighed the next day, her hand on the door, the velvet streamers falling crooked from her pale straw hat, her eyes on the mud on Katherine’s skirt. “I wish you wouldn’t.”

“I know what you wish.”

“I’m off to Mrs. Gillespie’s.”

“I know that, too.”

Never enough sky. Never near enough to the scooped-out wings of the hawk, or to the weather. She envies steeples and shot towers. She walks the ridge at Lemon Hill or goes all the way to George’s Hill and stands 210 feet above high tide—keeping her distance from the boys and their kites, the foreigners with their funny talk and funny way of climbing. It is never about getting away from. It is about getting closer to, because Anna had died, and she’d had no business dying. Because maybe her body is in a cherry-wood box dug deep into the side of Laurel Hill, but Anna is still air and height.

Read more...

Process Talk

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

My dear Seattle-transplanted-to-the-big-apple friend Lisa Bishop (over at HarperTeen) has posted some of my recent musings on process. Here again we meet up with the ever-wise John Steinbeck while bumping up against the ever-churning yours truly.

If you have some time, I hope you'll visit. You'll get to meet Anna Godbersen, Ellen Schreiber, Carol Snow, and Susan Juby while you are there.

http://www.myspace.com/harperteen

Read more...

Cybils Nominations

I just want to say thank you to those very kind souls who nominated HOUSE OF DANCE for a Cybils awards. I have to confess that I was startled when I realized, a few weeks back, that the book was being added to the list. Startled and extremely grateful.

So much of such value is being written these days. I know that as I tour this Cybils list I make notes to myself about titles I'm determined to add to my own reading list.

http://dadtalk.typepad.com/cybils/YA.html/

Read more...

The Grapes of Wrath and The Trouble with Prosperity

I have taken The Grapes of Wrath down from the shelf, and I am reading about that other great devastation that we as a country found ourselves in. Tom Joad and his woes. Dust like a dry, dirty cloud that has fallen and stayed. The pitch of power against the laboring masses. Uncertainty, heartache, panic.

Newsweek has a Robert J. Samuelson column this week called "Good Times Breed Bad Times." It begins by recalling the James Grant book The Trouble with Prosperity, summarizing it this way: "Grant's survey of financial history captured his crusty theory of economic predestination. If things seem splendid, they will get worse. Success inspires overconfidence and excess. If things seem dismal, they will get better. Crisis spawns opportunity and progress. Our triumphs and follies follow a rhythm that, though it can be influenced, cannot be repealed."

I never read The Trouble with Prosperity, but I have modulated my life according to its thesis—choosing that safe middle ground, buying a house with two bedrooms because, well, we only needed two, and putting nearly every dollar I made or had against the mortgage and my son's college fund. I live on the vaunted Main Line of Philadelphia (where gardens and farms still loll between trees, where the schools are good, where the communities are fine), and my decisions have frankly often set me apart. Smallified me, if you will. I lost a friend because of what I would not buy, because of what I did not have. She stopped inviting me to her parties.

I have, I realized, lived my literary life the same way. I have said no to TV and film adaptations of my nonfiction, shutting the door to some version of income and notoriety (but also, I thought and still think, opening the door to peace of mind). I have sought the right editor above the right advance in every case save for that of my second book, when I was enticed to go with a house that ultimately did not care about my future as a writer. Lesson learned. Mistake not to be repeated. All I've ever wanted as a writer is the chance to publish again, the chance to commune with other readers and writers, a reason to keep writing. I have wanted, desperately, sometimes consumingly, the editorial yes, we will publish this and you, and even now, 11 books in, it's not so easy.

Yesterday, reading the magnificent introduction to the Penguin Classics version of Steinbeck's book, I came upon these words from Steinbeck, which seem both timeless to me and extremely prescient. They are about writing, yes, but they are also about the way we live our lives, about the need, perhaps, not to want overly much. To be satisfied.

"I have always wondered why no author has survived a best-seller. Now I know. The publicity and fan-fare are just as bad as they would be for a boxer. One gets self-conscious and that's the end of one's writing."

Read more...

Logical Progressions

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

"The problems in logic," my college freshman son writes at 1:15 last night, "are tricky, but once you figure them out, they're easy to do and almost impossible to get wrong. They're just logically correct and require a lot of thinking."

So it must be. So this is another lesson from my son, who has been teaching me courage and integrity since the day he was born and now teaches me logic, tolerance, new media, ambition. Nothing is black or white for him, as it should not be. Everything is to be considered, weighed, tested, found out for himself. Grasped and held onto as his own.

I haven't started a new writing project since he left for college; I only now begin to feel that someday (not today, not tomorrow, not this month, only someday) I might write again. I might write because, even though he is not here in this house or down the street at the theater or around the bend at the high school where his guidance counselor sometimes referred to him as the mayor, he's still this force that lights a path for me, that settles me at dawn with an email sent late in the night from a small room on a crowded floor where so many of his new friends live.

Read more...

Lark & Termite: A Novel

Monday, October 20, 2008

Jayne Anne Phillips takes her time with every sentence, every story; her novels are born as much of idea as of cadence. Or at least that is my suspicion, as I have now read every book she has published, studied her way with words, marveled at the structural risks she's not afraid to take.

Lark & Termite, which is due out this January, is a labor of most transparent love. It's a book that required Jayne Anne to craft an understanding of the Korean War and, in particular, of the terrible massacre at No Gun Ri. It forced her to settle deep into the West Virginia of the 1950s; to penetrate the vision of a severely disabled young boy and of his caretaking sister; to imagine mothering of one sort and then of another; and to navigate the border between romance and love, trust and betrayal, stories told and stories believed.

Like Faulkner, Jayne Anne has a gift for multiple voices and the slide of time. She is capable of blur and clarity, of words that fall like rain between the and, the and, the and. Her eroticism is unblinkered., and when Jayne Anne sits down to describe some one thing, she takes the whole world in and funnels it back through a stream of blue poetry.

We wait for the work of masters to teach us something new, to surprise us. With Lark & Termite, Jayne Anne's first book in nine years, she proves again her mastery. Listen, for example, to this, Lark's voice:

"Life feels big to me but I'm not sure it's long. I rub cereal off the hard curved lips of the breakfast bowls, and life feels broad and flat, like a sand beach rolling into desert, miles and miles. Like pictures of Australia I've seen, with a sapphire sky pressing down and water at one edge. That edge is where things change all at once. You might see the edge coming, but you cant tell how close or far away it is, how fast it might come up. I can feel it coming. Like a sound, like a wind, like a far-off train."

Read more...

Romance

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The fifty-degree chill, the blue skies. The afternoon left open by work that finished itself sooner than planned. We took a drive along almost empty roads, increasingly horse-drawn-carriage roads. Bill had his camera. I had mine. No one bothered us.

There was one man on horseback high on a wavering hill.

There was a stubby-legged horse in a pasture of cows.

There were glints of unpicked corn in a dried-out patch.

There were pumpkins and two boys playing baseball.

There was this line of laundry hung out to dry.

I have not written any literary thing but this blog for too long now. Too much work in my head, a congestion. Today felt like the beginning of breathing. The remembering of seeing. A particle of romance.

Read more...

Pushing to Publish

I was 28 and pregnant when I happened upon Natalie Kusz’s Road Song in the Princeton University Bookstore. It was the sort of story that I, then an avid reader of traditional history and biography, had not read before—a life story that read like a novel that left me wanting to know so much more. I’d been writing poems up to that point in my life. I hadn’t done much in the way of publishing. I’d studied the history of science at the University of Pennsylvania and never taken a single writing workshop. Road Song left me wrecked by something urgent. I wanted to write like Kusz had written—honestly, poetically, of a life. I wanted to discover, in the personal, universal truths.

I didn’t see myself writing a book, of course. I thought of transitioning from the poem to the essay. I bought anthologies, read widely, taught myself about this genre. I thought about what had not been done quite yet.

The first piece I produced was perhaps 1,000 words and had a lost necklace at its center. When I thought about publishing it, I went straight back to Kusz, to the front matter in her book, where she acknowledged magazines that had accepted her excerpts. One of those magazines was called Iowa Woman, and I began at once to hunt it down. Finding i at last, I sent my essay that way. And then I waited, as writers will, for months.

This was back in the old day of mailboxes and stamps. I checked my own eagerly each day. Finally, indeed, an Iowa Woman letter showed up. It was long. It encouraged. It also critiqued. It was the first literary critique I’d ever received. It asked that I reconsider some passages and asked, too, if I’d consider submitting again.

I reconsidered, and I considered. “The Pearl Necklace” was my first published essay.....

— from my keynote talk yesterday to the inspired and inspiring crowd at the Philadephia Stories' Push to Publish conference. Thank you, Christine and Carla, for the opportunity.

Read more...

Shine: The Genius Writer?

Saturday, October 18, 2008

My husband was watching a spy-girl-with-tattoo-on-her-face-and-things-blow-up-and-lots-of-people-die flick on TV. He'd left the light in the family room on. Surreptitiously, I slid into the chair beside his, opened this week's New Yorker, and found a story I'd not have found had the circumstances been any different (a different movie, a blackened light, another night). It's the Malcolm Gladwell piece, "Late Bloomers." Ben Fountain and Jonathon Safran Foer are its literary stars.

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/10/20/081020fa_fact_gladwell?currentPage=all

The story is about genius. It's about the 18 years and dozens of trips to Haiti and spousal sacrifice and just plain faith that it took Fountain to write his impeccable collection of short stories, Brief Encounters with Che Guevera (about which I wrote one of my very earliest blog entries). It's about Foer's almost random collision with literary fame; he's taking a class at Princeton, Joyce Carol Oates notices his work, he takes a brief trip to the Ukraine, and pow, the 19-year-old has a book (Everything is Illuminated), has a whirlwind tour, has the sort of fame that clings. Does Fountain's version of emergence (at the age of 48) qualify him for genius? Is precocity the measure that most matters? These are the issues that Gladwell is exploring in best-of-class Gladwell style.

I'm going to leave those questions floating there, leave them for you to decide. I'm going to say right up front that I can't speak for the workings of a genius mind, that all these books later I'm still struggling to write (to right) that one unyielding line.

I'm just going to say that I read the piece through a blur of tears. I read the piece as a love letter. For Fountain, a lawyer, had to quit his job to write his book. He had to rely on the income and confidence of his wife, a woman Gladwell refers to as Fountain's patron. He had to wake up each morning and go to his ambiguous, uncertain writerly job, not knowing how the cards might fall (Brief Encounters eventually won Fountain true literary fame).

"But she believed in her husband's art, or perhaps, more simply, she believed in her husband..." Gladwell writes. "We'd like to think that mundane matters like loyalty, steadfastness, and the willingness to keep writing checks to support what looks like failure have nothing to do with something as rarefied as genius. But sometimes genius is anything but rarefied, sometimes it's just the thing that emerges after twenty years of working at your kitchen table.

"'Sharie never once brought up money, not once—never,' Fountain said. She was sitting next to him, and he looked at her in a way that made it plain that he understood how much of the credit for Brief Encounters belonged to his wife. His eyes welled up with tears. 'I never felt any pressure from her,' he said. 'Not even covert, not even impied.'"

Yesterday, on her fabulously and deservedly famous blog, hipwritermama.blogspot.com, Vivian surprised the heck out of me with the kindest possible reference. Sometimes I think that's what we're doing out here for each other in the land of the blog. Pulsing out loyalty and steadfastness and faith while we all scratch away at our kitchen tables.

Read more...

Where Truth Meets Fiction

Friday, October 17, 2008

"Recently I was going through some of the poetry I wrote as a teen, and truly there’s some pitiful stuff. So sentimental and sloppy and overcooked and romantic, and yet, there it sits in the high school magazine, alongside the work of my genuinely genius brother (number one at Radnor, tops at Princeton, a soaring PhD from Stanford), not to mention David Brooks of Bobos in Paradise fame. There it was, somehow earning me the community poet award, the night just before graduation. I was given gifts as an aspiring young poet—more than my poetry ever actually deserved. Mostly it was this gift of learning to believe in myself so that I would keep working at this thing called writing, keep testing myself, keep reading the works of others, keep trying, until I could get some part of it right. I was emboldened by others. I learned to persevere. And because of this, I found a way to make language my ally, to emerge in the world as myself."

— from my talk yesterday to the gracious, intelligent, and warmly inviting women of Bryn Mawr Presbyterian Church

Read more...

Luminescence

Thursday, October 16, 2008

The building was old. The window was shut. The sun found it nonetheless: luminescence.

I have been thinking lately about how bright the shine can be on places, or people, we return to after a long absence. The garden down the road seems brighter, more tender, when we notice it (finally) again. An old friend drives by, stops, is suddenly before you, and there, in that moment, the friendship is newly burnished.

Recently a client called me back after a two-year hiatus, and it felt like going dancing. Reconnecting with the team (still there, still charming, still able to affably get my goat like few others affably can). Filling in the blanks. Sitting with the CEO and talking history, Philadelphia, library expansions, river developments, the future of public television, the remaking of urban landscapes. People are not replaceable, that is a fact, and I count it a privilege when we in this life get to know others over a palpable stretch of time.

No conversation to be taken for granted. No window permanently shuttered.

Read more...

Talking Forward

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

It's a funny time for me—taking care of all variety of client work while preparing for two literary talks. The first is tomorrow, the fall gathering at Bryn Mawr Presbyterian Church, and I've decided to reflect out loud on something I've sometimes alluded to here—the role that truth plays in the fiction I write, and the ways in which fiction can lead one back around to the truth. I'm going to read from Nothing but Ghosts in the end—a scene that couples up and crumbles together a trip I once took to Cascais, an utterly made-up librarian (except that she has a best friend's name), and my adoration for the moon. "The moon is gigantic," the chapter begins, "a big white throb in a blue-black sky."

On Saturday I'm keynoting at the Push to Publish conference (for Philadelphia Stories at Rosemont College), and so I'll be speaking there of the road I've taken through the various channels of publishing. I started small—literary magazines. I bumped up against enormous resistance ("your books are not commercial"). I've received advances for some books, no advances for others, some have surprised their publishers (in good ways) and some have disappointed. I have a new book that is circulating at this moment. Its fate is not secure; I still have my heart up high in my throat and likely will be living like this for a long time. Publishing is hard work, emotional work, bruising work. I'll be talking about all of that, too.

Read more...

One Way to Fashion

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

There was nothing that made my mother happier than a gloriously constructed coat, or a sweater with a happily odd pocket, or a skirt with architectural pleating. She was the daughter of a woman who got married in the color peach and who danced the rug into tatters, a hat wearer, my Scottish grandmother was, a woman who might wish to bet on horses, even as she attended her Presbyterian church with greatest faith. My mother learned fashion from her mother—the joy of it—and at Christmas, for my birthday, my mother could be relied on for some glorious box or bag (or two or three). Because of my mother's impeccable taste and ceaseless generosity, I—an incurable tomboy, a restless athlete, a sometimes loner—was (on occasion) fashionably dressed.

My mother entered the hospital around this time two years ago—the first of a serious of severe illnesses that would finally lead to her passing. Since then I've worn the old clothes, pulled them out lovingly for when the occasion required. Lately, though, I've felt ragged all the way around—sleeves fraying, colors wrong—and I realize: I do not know fashion without my mother. I don't have the taste for long shopping sprees. I don't have an eye for the patterns.

I wander by shops and stare into windows. I can't get a fix on who I, alone with me, will be.

Read more...

(Near) the Street Where I Live

Monday, October 13, 2008

It was all bright pointillism and glow. It was too sky high, and I couldn't reach it, and I ached for trying, and I closed the shutter, and I kept what I could take.

A minister spoke of a baptized baby's wonder yesterday.

Wonder, he said, keeps us alive.

Read more...

Arch Street, Philadelphia, Near Dawn

Sunday, October 12, 2008

I hopped a train for the city at dawn on Friday, making my way to a client's conference. My thoughts were carouseled—spinning through the unresolved of my work, the recent news from my boy, the book I left in mid-plot a week ago. Wishing for a sweet version (is there a sweet version?) of languor, I disembarked at Philadelphia's 30th Street and began that walk I love to take—from the west into the east of my one city. I'll take any train an hour earlier if it gives me the chance to go Philly urban. Through the grand, elevating portals of the train station, across the Schuylkill River, down Arch.

It was yet early. On their north side, the banks of Arch slope down and then rush up toward the train tracks. There, on those banks, a half a dozen lay sleeping—their worldly goods carts parked to one side, their sleeping bags evenly spaced, their stillness impeccable, and what struck me, what moved me, was how every single sleeper lay facing the rusted rails of the train as sunbathers will line up toward the sea.

As if dreams might be taken from the passing rush and whisper. As if night is made more safe for the homeless in the steady presence of from-here-to-there trains.

Read more...

Turning Point

Saturday, October 11, 2008

I was in project overload; it wasn't a happy place to be. The sky was blue, a breeze was blowing, and I was here, at this desk, pounding through assignments, sipping at the air through pursed and worried lips.

Hyperventilation isn't an inspiration, most of the time.

It has never really helped me get the job done.

What was needed, clearly, was a distraction. What was needed was some sort of mini-shopping trip. My mother used to say that the best thing to do for the economy during hard times was to go show some faith in it. I showed my faith at a store called Turning Point today, on a street called State, in a town called Media, during an afternoon that was so blue that I stretched out my arms to embrace it.

I bought myself earrings. I donned them. I came home and snatched, held, lit, shook, stirred until I had a photo of them.

The camera below this blog is owned by a friend of a friend who, last Sunday, wanted a God's view and snatched it. That may have been second person, PJ, but this right here is first. My camera, my earrings, my joy.

Do you want to know what I saw afterward? A boy, perhaps, two, in the back seat of a car, sitting up high in his car-seat throne. He had stuck a butterfly net through the open window to catch his own idea of a breeze.

Read more...

The Day with Me

Why do we take photographs? Why do I? Because it takes me outside, into the weather. Because it forces me to see. Because afterward it is what I have of that day—snatched, held, lit, shaken, stirred. I was there, a photograph says. And the day was there with me.

Read more...

Autumnal

Friday, October 10, 2008

It has been (it will be) one of those times—eight distinctly different client projects, all on short and pressing schedules. Ballroom dancing lessons not just with Jean but with his gorgeous wife and partner Iryna, who remind me as gently as two uber-talented Belarusian dancers can that I sometimes look like a man when dancing, sometimes like a clown, and (creme de la creme) sometimes like a male clown. I start working in the deep dark, stop working in the deep dark (after an entire day has passed), and I have read nothing more than last week's NYTBR, this week's Newsweek, and that fascinating bit on John Stuart Mills (The New Yorker) in I don't know how long.

I am literature starved. I feel my vocabulary dissipating. Do not ask my point of view.

So that it came as an utter surprise to me yesterday when I, in a dash to somewhere, let my gaze drift off and up then pinch upon the lit-up colors of some fully decked out maples. You know how it is—the first heralding trees of the season, the beginning of that show.

I always miss my mother at the change in season. I think, But if only she could see this.

Read more...

Heart Blue: A Poem

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Like a woman offering her profile to a man
who won’t admit to looking,
the bumblebee points east to my north,
perfectly still inside the rumble of her wings.

She is a queen and blind to red.
She has left her six eggs burrowed into
the bowl of wax beneath the rock
beside the iris. She tocks
on the current, holds.
Slides and resumes and holds,
gyrates south, then east, and holds.
still within her wings,
still in the she hover that women do
when their babies are as far
as the iris nearest the stone,
and their men gone.

Afternoon,
and the sky around the heart
is blue.

Read more...

Nothing but Ghosts: The Catalog Description

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Lenore, bless her, prompted this: The "official" description of Nothing but Ghosts.

Ever since her mother passed away, Katie’s been alone in her too-big house with her genius dad who restores old paintings for a living. Katie takes a summer job at a garden estate, where, with the help of two brothers and a glamorous librarian, she soon becomes embroiled in decoding a mystery. There are secrets and shadows at the heart of Nothing But Ghosts, symbols hidden in a time-darkened painting, and surprises behind a locked bedroom door. But most of all, this is a love story—the story of a girl who learns about love while also learning to live with her own ghosts.

This is a heart-felt, lyrical tale from the National Book Award nominated author of Undercover and House of Dance.

Read more...

Gifts of the Blog

It is so often the case that the responses I get to the blogs I post are far more interesting than the blogs themselves; I count myself lucky to be out here, in this generous community.

PoetJane asked if i might describe the machinations that go into a Beth meal (or something like that), I'll put it this way: I somehow have grown into this person who believes (fears?) that every meal she serves is a reflection of her inner self, her value, might I say, worth? I know it's wrong, but I can't help it, so, come 5 or so most evenings, I push back from this desk and head to the local Whole Foods or its equivalent on foot, my reusable plastic bag upon my shoulder. I walk up and down the aisles, gnawing through the possibilities (never enough possibilities) in my head. I seek wholesome, aspire to memorable. I'm a fan of fresh herbs, of organic chicken, of delicate lamb, of plump bread, of bright cheese, of overfat cookies. I walk home, my shoulder aching, my posture askew, the smell of Italian parsley wafting up toward the sky.

Once home, I unshelter each ingredient and buy, give it its space upon my less-than-spacious counter. I begin. On the nights when things don't go quite according to plan, you will hear me apologizing to the gods of gourmet. You'll hear my husband ask, Why don't we just get pizza?

There are two glasses of wine, one for each of us. Usually that's it. A single glass each, because it's healthy—so I've been told, so I wish to believe—and because it says that the night is near, another day is to be honored.

With that confession now rendered, let me celebrate Lenore, who so kindly posted a blog—the very first outside my own!—on Nothing but Ghosts. Let me celebrate S. Krishna who spoke honestly about House of Dance, which didn't quite work for her in those crucial opening pages. Honesty is an essential component of courage, and I've always liked courageous people.

Let me finally say thank you to paperxxflowers (I love that blog name, so I'll use it) for posting an interview she conducted with me a few weeks ago.

Finally, in case you are wondering about the eggplant pictured here—that's Aideen (one of my key characters from House of Dance) sharing a ripe Linvilla Orchard find with my husband.

http://paperxxflowers.blogspot.com/2008/10/authors-in-corner-mini-view-with-beth.html

http://presentinglenore.blogspot.com/2008/10/waiting-on-wednesday-3-nothing-but.html

Read more...

Looking Toward San Antonio

A box of books arrived yesterday: Christmas in October. There are two Justina Chen Headleys—Girl Overboard and North of Beautiful (an ARC). There are three Catherine Gilbert Murdocks: Dairy Queen, The Off Season, Princess Ben. There is a note from my friends at HarperCollins: For ALAN, which is shorthand for, Hey, aren't you lucky, this is the work of your co-panelists for the upcoming ALAN conference in San Antonio. (Matt de la Pena will be joining us for this Sports Stories = Life Stories panel as well; I'll be getting his books soon.)

The answer is, Yes, I am so lucky. I rarely travel in my book life—rarely pretend that I do much more than run my business, clean my house, write this blog, chill with friends, text with my boy, stand helpless in the produce aisles attempting to dream up (yet another) dinner, watch Project Runway and DWTS with my happily agreeable husband, dance a sambarumbafoxtrotchachaandsomehorrifyingmixCDofeach, and (on good days) surreptitiously scribble in the dark. The Traveling Writer's Life has eluded me, or perhaps I have eluded it, but this November I am off to San Antonio to sit on a panel with writers with whom I am so genuinely looking forward to thinking out loud, if only for a short while. It's one of those bright collisional possibilities that could shape a point of view or thread a question through, and frankly, I'm in need of a little shattering of self, a little new.

Read more...

No Such Thing as the Real World

Monday, October 6, 2008

Before Jill Santopolo was officially my editor, she was my editor—calling one day to ask if I might write a story for a planned new HarperTeen anthology. The story, as I understood it, was to focus on a chosen turning point—on a moment of emergence, clarity, vision.

I'd written short stories for years before I'd ever written books; I've always celebrated the form's power. I'm a fan of the deeply distilled, the evocative, the provoked. I favor poetry over plot, emotion over explanation, wisdom over information; the short story seems to favor such things too, or can. Read the exquisite Steven Millhauser piece in this Sunday's NYTBR. Consider his words here:

The short story concentrates on its grain of sand, in the fierce belief that there — right there, in the palm of its hand — lies the universe. It seeks to know that grain of sand the way a lover seeks to know the face of the beloved. It looks for the moment when the grain of sand reveals its true nature. In that moment of mystic expansion, when the macrocosmic flower bursts from the microcosmic seed, the short story feels its power. It becomes bigger than itself. It becomes bigger than the novel. It becomes as big as the universe. Therein lies the immodesty of the short story, its secret aggression. Its method is revelation. Its littleness is the agency of its power.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/05/books/review/Millhauser-t.html?ref=books

The point is, I said yes. I said yes and loved every moment of immersion in a piece I finally called, "The Longest Distance Between Two Places." Written early last year, it confronts teen suicide and its aftermath—and a decision to live on.

I saw the cover of the anthology today, and I'm really proud to be part of this project. I'm especially touched to see An Na's name here, for seven years ago, while chairing the National Book Awards jury for Young People's Literature, I read her gorgeous "A Step from Heaven;" as a team we nominated it as a top five title. I remember many things from that evening of award giving (Jonathan Franzen's talk, sitting beside Terry Tempest Williams on that stage, my son out in the audience, holding court, and, later, Steve Martin entertaining my child). But I especially remember An Na's graciousness in the moments after the winners had been announced. It made me even prouder that I'd pushed for her inclusion in the top five.

I can't wait to read this book.

Read more...

Baited into Books

How are we to feel, then, today, about the ways in which video games are now being used to 'bait' young readers? Is gaming our new reading? Is it our new gate to reading? Is it the essential path in a digital world? Some words from today's NYT story:

... doubtful teachers and literacy experts question how effective it is to use an overwhelmingly visual medium to connect youngsters to the written word. They suggest that while a handful of players might be motivated to pick up a book, many more will skip the text and go straight to the game. Others suggest that video games detract from the experience of being wholly immersed in a book.

Some researchers, though, say that even when children don’t read much text, they are picking up skills that can help them thrive in a visually oriented digital world. And some educational experts suggest that video games still stimulate reading in blogs and strategy guides for players.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/06/books/06games.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&ref=books

Certainly gamers are required to attend to plot and to latch onto words, to follow the thread, to notion in. But is it also possible that knowing and feeling are two different things—and that books prepare us like nothing else can for the heartbreak, confusion, mystery, joy—the outright complexity—that constitutes living day to day? Books without gadgets, books without gimmicks, books in which characters can't be surmised at a glance and stories take time to unfold? We aren't in control when we read another's book; the author is. We are forced to go under, deep, to submit, and when we emerge we aren't precisely who we were; something ineluctable has changed. We have in our head new ideas not just about the ways in which stories get made, but about how lives—for better, for worse—get lived.

Good books square us up against complexities and consequences; they force the issues. And I suspect that in the days to come, we'll need leaders who can manage both, leaders who read. Games have their place; of course they do. But in our zeal to please, let us not sweep aside our book-bound stories.

Read more...

Open for Business

Sunday, October 5, 2008

So that I was sitting here yesterday at dawn, working as I do (client work, complexities of heart and head), when my cell phone rings. It's my kid, and of course I panic. Because what college kid isn't sleeping in at dawn on a Saturday morning? And isn't worry always my first response?

"Hey," my son says.

"Hey," I say. "What's up?"

"Just calling to say that I'm having the best time." That's it. No crisis. Just joy. There are details: The gift of friendships, of spontaneous decisions, of dances danced, of jokes shared, of a lounge movie watched at 3 AM, of a realization, six weeks into campus life, that the campus is starting to feel like home. "I walk into this party and I realize that I know most of the people there," he says. "Everything fits. It feels right."

I listen. I smile. I lean back in my chair. I don't ask questions; I just listen. "So you're having a good time," I finally say.

"Oh yeah. I really am. Just wanted to call and tell you that, because I knew you'd be up."

It occurred to me then, after he hung up the phone, that maybe I've worked this early-morning seven day a week shift all these years for but one good reason: So that my kid would know it was okay to call at dawn just to say that he is happy.

Read more...

The Bruises Art Delivers

Saturday, October 4, 2008

My dear friend Kate Moses rendered Sylvia Plath so three-dimensionally in her novel, Wintering, that I now feel compelled to read any Plath-infused story I find. Yesterday it was the New York Times piece on the Ted Hughes letters, a piece that concluded with the following lines:

Earlier, while Plath was still alive and they were together, there is his unstinting reassurance, rejoicing in her successes and praising her work. Above all, after her death there is his searing defense of her shattering “Ariel” poems. To Donald Hall, an admirer who nevertheless found “Ariel” too sensational to be first-rate poems, he wrote:

“Whatever you say about them, you know they’re what every poet wishes he or she could do,” Hughes wrote. “When poems hit so hard, surely you ought to find reasons for their impact, not argue yourself out of your bruises.”

A mantra then, a new one: Let us not argue ourselves out of the bruises art delivers.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/03/books/03book.html?ref=books

Read more...

The Aura of Loneliness: Horace Kephart Revisited

Friday, October 3, 2008

Horace Kephart, my great-grandfather, was one of the country's greatest librarians in his time—an iconoclast who ultimately helped pave the way for the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. But what I could never forget, as I grew up with his name, is that he'd abandoned his wife and six children at the age of 42 to live the outpost life—among bears, among the Appalachians, among the tall trees against which he sometimes rested his narrow, beautiful head.

Horace Kephart has inspired song cycles (the glorious Ways That are Dark by Daniel Gore) and theater and library collections; he proved so irresistible and ineluctable to me that I once spent some six months researching and writing my own version of his tale (with my brother's help, with the help of my father's cousin, with the help of librarians, too). Because his story can't be known wholly, it can get told again and again, which is something my talented cousin Libby Kephart Hargrave is poised to do later this month at the Calhoun Inn, in Bryson City, NC, where the Horace Kephart library is located. I know she'll do a bang-up job at an event that will be filmed by West Carolina University and will unite those whom Kephart continues to intrigue.

I post a few words from my 6000-word essay here, the skimmed-down beginning, an introduction to a man.


In July 1959, Clarence E. Miller, by then retired from his post at the St. Louis Mercantile Library, sat down to remember Horace Kephart, the most brilliant man, Miller claimed, that he had ever known and “almost, as a matter of course, the least assuming.” Miller was a young job applicant when he first encountered Kephart. Kephart was a man of some repute—born in 1862, a college graduate by 1879, an ambitious bilingual librarian whose career had taken him from Cornell to Florence to Yale and, in 1890, to the top spot in St. Louis, where he had notoriously begun to build the largest standing collection of “Western Americana.” Following “perhaps the briefest interview on record,” eighteen-year-old Miller was given employment at the Mercantile.

Hoping for mentoring and encouragement from this married father of six, Miller realized soon enough that he wouldn’t be getting much of either. Concise and efficient, his memory perfectly photographic, his demeanor cordial enough despite a predilection for solitude, Kephart, recalled Miller, "lived almost exclusively in a world of his own, guarded most securely by his constant activity. He had no secretary and spent most of his day beating a two-fingered tattoo on a Smith-Premier typewriter."

As the years went by, Miller noted, Kephart, a “crack shot with a rifle” who once tried but failed to raise a small corps of volunteer sharpshooters on behalf of the Spanish American War, spent more and more time in the woods. He would camp alone in the Ozarks on the weekends, Miller said, and then return to the library early each Monday, renewed, invigorated. Once back in the civilized world, he’d burrow deep in the card catalogue, pound his Smith-Premier, buy up a few more books for his beloved special collection. He’d consult with a growing band of western writers who hungered after the knowledge Kephart singularly possessed.

Nearly thirty years after Miller began making his sly observations of Kephart, F.A. Behymer, a star reporter for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, journeyed to a tiny town in western North Carolina to spend an afternoon with the former librarian. The year was 1926. Kephart was sixty-four years old. He had lived alone in the Appalachians since scandalously abandoning all that had ever seemed to matter—his library, his reputation, his Ozarks, his wife, his six young children—at the age of forty-two. At the Cooper House in Bryson City, Behymer sat with Kephart in his modest writers’ workshop and noted how the window opened out on the Tuckaseegee and “the Big Smokies beyond.” It was a glorious view. It gave the illusion of freedom. It enabled Kephart—still sprightly, still fine-featured—to:

… raise his eyes and look through his window and see the swiftly-flowing water and the mountains that rise, ridge on ridge. And, if the day’s toll irks and the outdoors calls, there’s a packed knapsack hanging on the wall and within two hours he can be out in the wide spaces and the high places where he likes best to be.

My great-grandfather’s knapsack weighed just twenty-seven pounds. In the long, strange last chapter of his life, it was all he ever needed to feel the most alive. He had an “aura of loneliness,” Miller would later recall. It was the legacy he would leave with us, the mystery of a man.

Read more...

Second Chances

I posted earlier this week about the gifts of friendship yielded by the mostly private writing life; I wrote, particularly, about Jayne Anne Phillips.

My story was about the time I'd spent with Jayne Anne in Prague; Jay Kirk, that enormously gifted writer whom I've praised in other blog entries (most recently that gorgeous Rwanda piece in GQ) and whom I've benefited so hugely from knowing since 2005, wrote to tell me about the quality of a critique Jayne Anne had given him at Bread Loaf. The email dialogue went (paraphrasically) thusly:

Me: Wait. What year were you at Bread Loaf?

Jay: I was there in '96.

Me: As was I. Grace Paley. Anne Lamott. The gorgeous Olena Kaltyiak Davis. Jane Satterfield. Brooks Hansen.

Jay: Wait. You were in our class? Or were you teaching...

Well, indeed. You get that point. Apparently, I've known Jay since 1996. Apparently, we sat in the same small classroom. Surely, I read pages from his then novel-in-progress; I remember the beating pulse of the guy's talent. And beyond this being one of those ain't-life-strange conjunctions, it raises for me this question:

How do I keep managing to trip up against blazing talents who are also (don't ever take this for granted) hugely good souls? The sort of people I need to know, because without them I wouldn't think nearly as hard. I had the chance to know Jay a long time ago, it seems. I was given (fluke that it was) a second chance. Thank goodness I was finally paying attention in '05. It would have been lousy if I hadn't.

Read more...

Laura Miller and The Magician's Book

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Laura Miller is a vigorous reader; the reviews and essays she writes—for Salon.com, for New York Times, for New Yorker, those stature zones—speed forward with a sort of exhilarating fury, a faith in books and their significance, and a determination to say precisely what she means. If I haven't always agreed with her (do two people ever see eye to eye on every book?), I've always greatly admired her, and when David Foster Wallace died so tragically a few weeks ago, it was Laura's words to which I turned first; she wouldn't appease, she wouldn't heal, but she might help me understand.

Laura has a new book due out soon, The Magician's Book, and its premise intrigues. It's the story of a woman—Laura herself—who fell deeply in love with the Narnia tales as a child and grew disenchanted as a teen. Finally, she allowed her adult self a rebounded intrigue, allowed herself to return to the land of Narnia. What had C.S. Lewis done with his tales to bring this child in? How had it shaped what and how she would read later? Who else had fallen under Narnia's spell? What in the end makes for a literary reader?

http://www.magiciansbook.com/

All this past week, perhaps even more, I've been talking about The Book Thief with my friend Andra. She read it after I did, we wrote nearly each day of its power. Two nights ago, she turned its final page, and when her husband arrived home, he found her devastated, not wishing to leave the company of the characters she'd met. As I'd lived this, too, as I still have not escaped The Book Thief's spell, I understood. I recognized, in Andra, a kindred heart, a reader who, in Miller's words, pays exuberant attention.

Laura Miller has spent an entire life paying attention to books. I'm betting that we should pay attention to this one.

I'm also wondering what books have seized your heart and have changed who you've become.

Read more...

Cut to the Bone

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

In the Sunday NYTBR essay, Dorothy Gallagher looks back on the lessons passed on by one Helene Pleasants, a copy editor the author met while a junior editor at Redbook:

Helene had no literary theories — she had literary values. She valued clarity and transparency. She had nothing against style, if it didn’t distract from the material. Her blue pencil struck at redundancy, at confusion, at authorial vanity, at the wrong and the false word, at the unearned conclusion. She loved good writing, therefore she loved the reader: good writing did not cause the reader to stumble over meaning. By the time Helene was finished with me seven years later, I knew how to read a sentence and how to fix one. I knew what a sentence was supposed to do. I began to write my own sentences; needless to say, the responsibility for them is my own.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/28/books/review/Gallagher2-t.html?_r=1&ref=books&oref=slogin

I wondered about the essay's frigorific opening lines, "My copy editor died. No need to be upset on my account. I hadn't seen Helene Pleasants for at least 10 years before her death; and even those closest to her would agree that her death was timely." I wondered, too, about its gelid last: "And I've changed my mind: it is a pity that Helene died. As long as she lived, I could still think of myself as a young writer."

But the in-between of Gallagher's essay brought poignantly to mind the copy editors who have done their level best to keep me in grammatical line. I moved quite a bit as a child—Wilmington to Alberta to Wilmington to Boston to Wilmington and finally to a suburb of Philadelphia—and in that zagging journey I lost two academic things: continuity with a foreign language (don't test my French) and an ability to stay on course with any grammar lessons. I was perpetually relearning what I already knew, or I was skipping entire chapters of Strunk & White.

Given the Swiss Cheese quality of my brain, this was not good.

So that I have had to rely on copy editors since (and pray for my poor blog readers, who daily encounter the unfiltered, uncorrected Beth), and though I've run the gamut of experiences, I've grown rather fond of one who shall remain unnamed, one I've never met. She stalks my every comma, circles my overblown "just," writes thin-penciled comments in the margins that remind me that it'll always be love of language first for her, struggling writer distant second. What were you thinking? her comments fairly shout. What business have you writing in the first place? Have you taken a good look at yourself?

I read her notes in the privacy of my own house. I turn magnificent shades of red. I tremble. And then I'm severely grateful for her, grateful that she cares so much.

I pay attention. I apply my learnings. I do try to get it right. I fantasize, even, about receiving a Fed Ex with a single note inside: Your manuscript required no changes, it might say. It's gone directly to print.

Read more...

  © Blogger templates Newspaper II by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

Back to TOP