Showing posts with label HOUSE OF DANCE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label HOUSE OF DANCE. Show all posts

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Dance Politics


A few weeks ago, Tara Parker-Pope wrote a jazzing story in the New York Times that she called "Dance Even if Nobody is Watching." It was a short piece with that most-delicious, invigorating, tears-for-happiness Matt Harding youtube at its heart (you haven't seen it? you have to see it. click on the link below). Parker-Pope's story was short and it was definitive: Dance for joy. Dance for your health. (Thank you, Denise Cowie, for sending the story on.)

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/07/10/dance-even-if-nobody-is-watching/?ex=1216526400&en=7286a589f5b04fb3&ei=5070&emc=eta1

This morning, I got all caught up in another superior story about dance, and I share it with you here; I encourage you to read in full the essay by Philadelphia dance choreographer Rebecca Davis, who went to Rwanda to teach orphan boys to dance and who emerged from her month in that land famous for a genocide of sickeningly mass proportions with a question I hope she won't mind my repeating: If an exchange of dance moves can transcend barriers of language, race and age, couldn’t dance also play an important role in rebuilding an individual, a family or perhaps even a nation? The boys Davis met could dance, oh, they could dance. They were orphans. They had been stolen from—the very worst kind of stealing. And yet, inside the frame of their dancing, there was joy, there was heart, there was healing.

http://www.broadstreetreview.com/article.php?idc=5&ida=985


Dance as politics, Davis suggests. Dance as medicinal, a salve.

I'll vote for that. I will cast my ballot for the politician who casts a gaze out upon the gathering crowds, who sees people there, yearning people, not just voters, and who sets aside his or her rhetoric for a song turned up loud. For the politician who bows to the exultant, bonding, set-aside-your-differences gift of dance.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Angel Goodness

We sense the true in others—friendship that begins not as an exchange of services that might potentially be rendered, but in curiosity, optimism, and mutual respect. Friendship that promises and presages.

True is the reason why Miss Em and her Bookshelf are so widely loved—why so many readers of YA books consult eagerly with her site and have been inspired by her example to fashion book blogs of their own. Miss Em is in books for all the right reasons. She brings intelligence and heart to the conversation, an irreversible goodness.

Yesterday Miss Em sent me a mysterious email: I have left a gift for you on my blog. Bemused, I traveled her way only to be taken aback—not just by her words but by her photograph of a garden fairy. She'd taken the photo with her new cell phone, and I stared in disbelief. For the very same fairy that she'd discovered there in her vacation path sits here in my garden, looking up to the now-empty stalks of tiger lilies. My fairy is a little weather-beaten, a mite crushed-in about the feet. Still, she sits in the shade reading the one page of her book, patient as a muse.

http://emsbookshelf.blogspot.com/2008/07/vacation-thoughts-and-photo-shout-out.html

As if Miss Em were right here, among my favorite blooms.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Dance Heart

She sat on a chair, immaculate—her hands open to a song. She sat with her back straight and her chin high and her hair pulled back from her face, a child of no more than three and already careful about herself in the world, aware of being watched, or its possibility. I fashioned a future for her while I stole this photograph. I made up a story about something missing found, something asked for given.

Someone reaches for her hand and the music plays and she sylphs.

(I can make sylph a verb if I want to.)

Friday, July 4, 2008

Love


Because HOUSE OF DANCE is ultimately a story about learning to take care, and to love richly, I dedicated it to my father, who was my mother's guardian angel through her final days, and who still, eighteen months after her passing, passionately tends her resting place. Every day he is there, beside that spot near the woods. Every day the deer watch as my father kneels to root in the flowers he has found that remind him of her. The long, feathered graces of astilbe. The bright pots of color known as pink lady. The steadfast cure of japonica. He leads a line of water to the edged-in flowers. He clips the grass with a pair of shears.

So that when I'm there, when I go to talk to my mother, when I stand in the shadows that have been rearranged and lightened, I tell her how her husband is always near.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

New Life


It's happened again: The nest outside my door has been feathered into and entrusted, and babies have been born—the sharp triangles of their silent beaks tilted earthworm-ward, indulgent and needy. The mother hollers at me not to touch, and of course I'd never touch. But I feel somehow knighted and new again, proximate to wings and to accumulating dreams of flight.

The very terrific Keris Stainton has posted a review of HOUSE today on her popular and fashionably pinked Trashionista blog. I hadn't been sleeping, came downstairs, clicked on her blog, just because I love reading her blog, and there, amazingly, this was.

http://www.trashionista.com/2008/06/book-review-hou.html

Thank you so much, Keris.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Introducing Tasha


Goodness abounds out here in the land of the blog (goodness, thy name is Miss Em, Melissa Walker, Little Willow, Jenn, Toby Bloomberg, Grete, Keris Stainton, Ink Mage, Miss Erin, and, oh, you know who you are), and I remain astonished (grateful) that we who love books find one another, and, also, that those who love books so often love them out loud.

Take Tasha, for example, the thoroughly talented force behind andanotherbookread.blogspot.com. You might think that her blog—rich with author interviews, reviews, and contests—would consume her full time, but the thing is: She's still in high school. You might think, well, then, okay: She's a steeped-in-literature English buff, but math is actually her thing, and, oh yes, she doesn't just play piano, she teaches it. She's in about a million clubs (just for something to do, I suppose), and she may well race at Indy and swim the English channel on alternate Sundays, but she didn't have the time to fill me in. Tasha's been generous beyond measure with me. I wanted to learn a bit more about her.

This photo, by the way, is not of Tasha, but of a beautiful doppelganger I snapped at the Devon Horse Show. You can, however, find Tasha this weekend in the Philadelphia Inquirer, and that's because the equally dear writer Karen Serfass took the time to interview her for a story about young adult novels and HOUSE OF DANCE. Innumerable thanks to both of you, for caring.

http://www.philly.com/philly/entertainment/20447184.html


Tasha, you began book blogging in December 2007. But: You're a student. But: You have a million homework assignments to take care of. But: Blogging as frequently as you blog is an enormous responsibility. What made you decide to start your own blog? Did you want to fill a perceived gap? Leave a mark? Open the door to conversation?

For me part of the joy of reading is being able to share what you read and let others enjoy it. Where I live there is none of that. Not many of my friends enjoy reading and find it a task when it is assigned in English class, but me I love every minute of it. Starting a blog enabled me to tell the world what the books I was reading were about and then what I thought about them. In a way this was like opening the door to many book related conversations. Through commenting and email I've been able to pass along recommendations and discuss books with other readers and even a couple authors, which I think is just the coolest thing! Now that I've created a blog, I love how it has given me that push to actually contact some of my favorite authors and opened my eyes to new books that I never would have tried would it not have been for a reviewer friend suggesting it or me or receiving it in the mail. Creating my blog has definitely opened so many doors and I love each and everyone of them.


Tell us a little about you as a student—what subjects you love, what activities you are involved with.

Well I am a total math and science geek. Math makes complete sense to me in every way. I love that everything falls into place and everything just works together. I mean this past year I took three math classes...I know I'm totally weird!! I also love science. It fascinates me how everything works and I'm always one to wonder why. Needless to say it too fits me perfectly. Since I'm a total bookworm you may think that I love English, but actually it's my least favorite subject at this point in time. Honestly my biggest miff about English is that it's so subjective. I am definitely the type who likes right and wrong answers, not answers in the middle, which is why English just doesn't work out for me. As for activities there is never a dull moment in my life. I participate in a bunch of clubs and swim for my school. In between all of that I teach piano, take piano lessons, and of course read!!


How long have you loved the feeling of a book in your hand? What is the first book you remember loving?

I have loved that bookish feeling for as long as I can remember. My mom tells me that she's read to me from the day I was born and I have always loved it. I even remember (with the aid of my parents' stories!) being two and having the chicken pox, but still adamently protesting that I wanted to go to the library!! See I was 2 and sick and was still determined to read as many books as possible! The first book that I really remember loving is Good Night Moon. I think my mom had to have read that book to me at least twice a night if not more. I was enthralled with the story. I also remember loving the Erneste and Celestine books as well as Richard Scary. Now I have so many favorite books (House of Dance is totally in one of the top spots!!) that it's hard to even list them all. At one point I had a designted shelf on my bookcase just for favorite books, but now it seems I have too many favorites and they are now just scattered amongst my other books!


Can reading really change a life? Has it changed yours?

Reading can definitely change a life. It can take you on an adventure to another world or teach you a new way of life. It can open your eyes to new things and help you relive others. It is truly amazing and I cannot even begin to imagine what my life would be like without reading and books. Reading has definitely changed my life. Through reading I have learned about faraway places and places close to home. I have learned what it would be like to be rich and famous and what it would be like to live with nothing. I've even found within the last couple of months that even TV can't catch my attention like reading can. There is just so much more you can imagine when you read, unlike TV where it's imagined for you.


What makes a book outstanding in your eyes? Are there books you begin but cannot finish, or does every book intrigue you at some level?

For a book to be outstanding it has to capture me and whisk me away to a new place. The characters have to feel real and they have to show me their story. I also love it when the author is able to pull emotions out of me so that I'm not just reading the book with a straight face. Many books make me laugh, but there are few that make me cry. Those that make me cry I will always remember because if they made me cry (which takes a lot) means that the book was truly amazing. I also love a book that will make me think. I recently read The Adoration of Jenna Fox by Mary E. Pearson and I loved how it really made you contemplate what life could hold for us in the future. I always try to finish a book even if it's major sucking!! I think it is only fair to the author who has put their time and effort into creating the book, to finish the book. Hey I have come across some great books that I was so unhappy with at the beginning which turned out to be a really good.


What sort of post-high school career do you imagine for yourself?

I have the rest of my life pretty much planned out!! That's just the kind of person I am. Since I was five years I have always wanted to be some kind of doctor. At one point I wanted to be a vet, but then I realized I wanted to help people more. Now I know that I definitely want to be either a pediatric surgeon or a neonatologist (like Addison on Grey's Anatomy). I have always loved little kids and think it would be the neatest thing to be able to give them a second shot at life or just keep them strong. As for where I actually want to go to college I have no idea what so ever!! I think I have a list with about nine or ten schools on it including UNC Chapel Hill, Johns Hopkins, MIT, Duke, and so many others!! I honestly don't know where I'll end up as next year I'm going to the North Carolina School of Science and Math which will open up so many doors for me that who really knows what will happen in two years time! All I know is there will be school, lots and lots of school:)


If you were to write any kind of book, what would that book be?

Hmm.... There would definitely have to magic in the book. Don't get me wrong I love realistic fiction, but I have always loved, loved, loved anything that has to do with magic. I also love historical fiction so the book would definitely have to combine the two. I think combing the two would create a spectacular book -- granted I'd have to have the talent to actually write it! One question Beth.....if I ever write a book will you help me?!?!

Monday, June 9, 2008

HOUSE OF DANCE, Starred PW Review


House of Dance/Starred review
Beth Kephart. HarperTeen/Geringer, $16.99 (272p) ISBN 978-0-06-142928-6
Distinguished more by its sharp, eloquent prose than by its plot, Kephart’s (Undercover) second YA novel probes the fear of loss by introducing a heroine who overcomes it. Abandoned by her father years ago, emotionally distant from her mother, who is caught up in an affair with her married boss, 15-year-old Rosie spends much of the summer before junior year with her terminally ill, widower grandfather, helping him sort through his belongings, all of them stuffed with mementos. As his health rapidly declines, Rosie realizes: “You cannot buy a man who is dying a single meaningful thing. You can only give him back the life he loved and awaken the memories.” Determined to retrieve the time her grandfather misses most, when music filled the evenings and he could watch his wife dance, Rosie sets about throwing a dance party at her grandfather’s house. Poetically expressed memories and moving dialogue both anchor and amplify the characters’ emotions. Ages 12–up. (June)

Monday, June 2, 2008

Anne with an E, and Dance


It took me all these years to read ANNE OF GREEN GABLES, and now I am wondering how I ever lived without. I feel her on my shoulder, wherever I venture to now. I hear her insisting on the imagination, think of her faced with a newly bloomed peony, run off to the street, as I'm sure Anne would have done, whenever the Clydesdales are brought down my way at dawn, set free from their tents at the transitory horse show. Anne with an E seized upon the possible. She insisted on living each day as a last. She went about her world enthralled—looking for, hoping for goodness.

Saturday Anne was with me, too—with me and a few hundred others as Dancing Classrooms Philly conducted its Spring 08 finals competition at Drexel University. The foxtrot, the merengue, the rumba, the tango, the swing had transformed these young dancers from West and North Philadelphia. The glitter on their skirts and ties, the sunset peach above the young girls' eyes, the flowers perched, the shirt tails in, the reverberatory cries of the crowd as Pierre Dulaine urged the spectators on. The teaching artists, too: They had transformed these kids—they had changed the way they walked and stood, the way they honored one another, the way they dreamed. It was hot, and it was crowded, and the whole place throbbed, and as I took photograph after photograph of angled arms and intertwined hands, I felt Anne near—the irrepressible pulse of her.

Dance is a gift given. It is the self, rising.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

HOUSE OF DANCE


Once, in Venice, a day was thick with storm, and beneath every bridge, ever vendor umbrella, every cafĂ© awning, people clumped together, waiting out the rain. San Marco Square was a lake and the canals were overflow. The pigeons couldn’t lift high, for the saturation of their wings. Boats went about like floating bathtubs. When finally the clouds cleaved from each other and the sky was blue, there was a breeze, and along the Giudecca Canal, at a wheezy bar, someone with a guitar began to sing. Old Italian songs of which even the smallest boy in the gaining crowd had a most familial knowledge.

So they danced. The old, elegant woman and her husband, each with a glass of wine high in one hand. Two barefooted passersby, in grunge. The little boy who took the light post as his partner, and spun and spun and spun, his hat smashed onto his head, his hat doffed off again. The sky soaked to purple after blue, acquiesced to crimson, to a bruise, and all that while they danced, and this is Venice to me now, soul gone spontaneous after storm.

Monday, April 28, 2008

HOUSE OF DANCE


There's nothing like hearing the UPS truck screech to a halt before your modest house, seeing the brown uniform dash through the rain, and noting the thump of a box as it hits your stoop.

What in the world?

So you go outside hoping no one is looking (because your hair is a mess, because you need to repaint your toe nails), you pick up the box, you take it in, you scissor it open, and, what's this? HOUSE OF DANCE? Final copies? Here so soon?

Part of you isn't even ready for this, but part of you feels happy, too. Then, after five minutes, it hits you: No, you really are happy—so happy you interrupt your work and post your second blog for the day.

Here's the opening graf of HOUSE OF DANCE. Ain't nothing I, the endless rewriter, can do to a change a note of this story now:

"In the summer my mother grew zinnias in her window boxes and let fireflies hum through our back door. She kept basil alive in ruby-colored glasses and potatoes sprouting tentacles on the sills. On her bedroom ceiling she'd pressed glow-in-the-dark dots into constellation patterns, so that stars, as she put it, would always be near. Andromeda. Aquarius. The major and minor Ursas. Pisces. Creatures with wings or with horns."

Friday, April 25, 2008

Managing the Motherload


Is it the weather? Is that I woke up not just today, but yesterday and also the day before with time to work on my new novel? Or is it, hmm, that I danced yesterday, and did enough of at least one half thing one half right to be allowed to dance five consecutive moves without being stopped for a dance infraction by, Jean, my impeccable teacher?

Whatever it is, I'm feeling insanely lucky today, just lucky to be alive, that sort of lucky, and my luck just got even better. Jennifer Applin, the wonderful writer and mother, has given UNDERCOVER and HOUSE OF DANCE the great gift of being acknowledged by her, and featured here, in a most companionable fashion.

http://managingthemotherload.typepad.com/managing_the_motherload_b/2008/04/bloggy-giveaway.html

So thank you, Jennifer, and thank all of you have gone onto this posting and commented.

All signs are green (or, um, white). I'm going to go take a dance-walk. Shoulders down. Head up. Find the music in the hour.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

HOUSE OF DANCE Q and A


The good people of HarperTeen asked some questions a while back about the genesis of HOUSE OF DANCE. With the book a month or so from launch, it seems the time to share some of that exchange here.

According to your author bio, you’re a ballroom dancer yourself. Do you find connections between the art of writing and the art of dance?

Absolutely. I find the two inseparable. I have always thought of writing as an act of choreography—always tuned my ear to the rise and fall of words, scenes, even characters. Like dance, writing requires an enormous amount of discipline and endless attention to details; it requires the patience to listen and to watch. Dance demands authenticity, power, a willingness to succumb to forces that are greater than yourself. I begin every day with music, stretch, dance, and this is what has always carried the writing forward. Poetry, memoir, short stories, fiction: It doesn’t matter. The dance is there.

The themes of mortality and death echo throughout this novel. Were there experiences in your own life that caused you to write so passionately about this subject?

Sadly, yes. I had a friend, a woman, with whom I sat at church each Sunday; she was the epitome of kindness and supreme selflessness, a very special lady. She went missing one Sunday, which seemed odd, but I let it go. The next Sunday, again, she wasn’t there. I told myself that I should give her a call, but it was August, vacation time, and it seemed a little overwrought to worry. Next week, I thought, if she isn’t here, I’ll ring her and find out if she’s okay.

Three days later, I learned that she had passed away. That she had been living, unknowingly, with a devastating, advanced case of cancer, that she had been graceful to the end. In the weeks to come, her daughter would describe my friend’s final days, and I was so grief stricken, so mad at myself for not having called to let my friend know that she’d been on my mind, that I turned to writing a book in which a character, a young girl, has the wisdom, the acuity to be there in person for the one she loves. In which the heroine doesn’t wait to do the right thing.

And so I began to write HOUSE OF DANCE, and I was halfway through when my mother grew gravely ill and heroically fought a terrible collision of rare health challenges. I spent three months at my mother’s side; I spent those months observing my father, who did everything a person could do to try to save the person he loved. Ultimately, my mother passed away just after Christmas, and then there sat HOUSE OF DANCE, a first draft due two months on. I returned to the book with the sort of fury one has when steeped in sorrow, but also when one has been given the chance to say goodbye. My mother appeared to me in several forms after she’d passed away. I felt her presence throughout the writing of this book. I felt my friend’s presence, too. And because of the goodness that does live on and transcend, HOUSE is a hopeful book.


Why do you think dance is so important to Rosie and helps her to express her feelings and heal the rift in her family?

Rosie sees dance not as a chance to heal the rift in her family so much as the only gift she can give a grandfather who has little living left. Rosie is fifteen. She has been given the monumental responsibility of easing her grandfather’s final days. When she discovers that dance has been part of his history, that memories of dance connect him to his long-deceased wife, she begins to understand that she can evoke his sweetest memories by bringing music and dance into his house. Dance transports us. Dance enables us to transcend. Rosie’s gift to her grandfather is color, beauty, light—all yielded through the vessel of dance.


Ballroom dancing has becoming very popular recently, with the television show Dancing with the Stars and the documentary film Mad Hot Ballroom. As someone with expertise in the art form, why do you think this is?

I don’t know that I will ever consider myself an expert in ballroom dance; I simply love to do it. Certainly my own ballroom lessons came as a result of Dancing with the Stars. My husband loves the show and bought us both lessons for my birthday, and I know—because I’ve now talked to so many people about this—that Dancing, which makes it more than all right for men to put on those shiny shoes and dance, has transformed the industry. Indeed, every time a new season of Dancing with the Stars or So You Think You Can Dance begins, my own dance studio experiences a surge of new students.

The fantastic documentary Mad Hot Ballroom reminded us all of what dance is for—of how it is about connection, posture, mutual respect. Mad Hot Ballroom describes a year in the life of the Dancing Classrooms program created by the remarkable dance team, Pierre Dulaine and Yvonne Marceau. That program has since grown well beyond its roots in New York City to cities across North America and last year came to my own Philadelphia. I had the privilege of attending, photographing, and writing about the semi-finals and finals, of seeing what the program really does for those children and their sense of self. There’s nothing forced or odd or presumptuous about any of the claims made for dancing. It truly is so deeply liberating, artful, and, when done right, good.

Let me finally say this: I have enormous respect for those who can dance well, who have it, natively, in their blood, and who stand on their feet, hours each day, teaching those of us who yearn to be so much better at it. This intelligence—this dance intelligence—I hold in highest esteem.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

190th Post: Starred Kirkus Review


Kirkus Review, May 1, 2008
Starred Review
HOUSE OF DANCE
Beth Kephart
HarperTeen: Laura Geringer Books

In the summer of her 15th year, Rosie Keith shakily prepares for the death of her beloved Granddad. With her brooding mom preoccupied by an ill-advised love affair, Rosie is left to tend to the sorting of her granddad’s belongings and her own raw panic surrounding his impending demise. As the summer progresses, Rosie spends increasing amounts of time spinning her Granddad’s old records, making peace with his nurse (who traffics far too heavily in realism for Rosie’s liking) and taking dance lessons at a quirky studio. Like Kephart’s first offering for young adults, Undercover (2007), what stands out in this introspective novel is the sheer loveliness of its prose—“She had the longest tail I’d ever seen on a cat and pointy espionage ears, and she was all possession and presumption, guarding Granddad, who was asleep on the couch.” At once airy and languid, the sparse dialogue complements the lush descriptions of summer in the city. This is a beautifully told yet very quiet, small story. (Fiction. YA)

Monday, April 7, 2008

More Positive Thinking


Friday evening I sat with a circle of young reader/writers and their mothers exploring literary voice and purpose, the pleated pulse of motivation, the active conversation that goes on with the characters that prance around in one's head. Two sisters, both actresses, spoke of a project in progress and the power of collaboration. One young writer confessed to fearing repetitions—of words, of phrases—and of assiduously working around them. The role of essays in defining points of views was discussed and honored.

I wasn't nearly as sophisticated when I was the age of these young writers. I was drawn—it was primal, it was defining—to sound and song, to the pairing of unlike things. So it was with keen interest and a sense of privilege that I entered into this literary conversation, and it was with a settled calm that I left it.

I spent the next day rehearsing for and dancing in that oft-mentioned, inanely feared ballroom dancing showcase, and all, by the end of that long day, was well. Jean had been right about positive thinking, straight backs, settled hips, and musicality. He had created a space within which I could dance. But mostly, showcases like these can't be about oneself. They are finally about the community of many who come together for a purpose, and all day Saturday I was alive within a community I've grown to love.

Finally, a note about gardens: I spent most of yesterday with my dad at a new Downingtown shop called Handmade Gardens, where the fantastically artful Michael Petrie is at the helm and his wife, the writer Kathye Fetsko Petrie, stands at his side. Handmade Gardens offers richly budded tree peonies, royal columbines, wide-budded hellebore, old lightning rods, antique watering cans, a freehand sculpture of hose nuzzles, and many more things I don't have the vocabulary to name. I came home bearing the promise of spring, the eagerness to go in deep with the earth again.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Hand Holds


First, a note of deep thanks to Tasha, who took the time to hunt down an early copy of HOUSE OF DANCE, and who so generously wrote about it in her always entertaining and enlightening blog, http://andanotherbookread.blogspot.com/. I feel graced by her thoughtful response.

So much of HOUSE is about the healing power of dance, and while dance has confounded me often, while it has shaken my equilibrium and not always roused the best of me, it more often yields, provokes, enables light; it heightens the tint of things, deepens the hue. It is a hand reaching for a hand, in the end, and that's all we have as people.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Clowning Around


Okay, this isn't me, but close. Unruly hair. Skyhigh eyebrows. Triple-set smile. Two days to go until that dance showcase—two days—and I'll admit: I've been a bundle of nerves. It would be so much better if I were so much better. Plus, I could use a decent pair of shoes. The kind that turn when they're supposed to and stay put when they're asked to—trainable, obedient ballroom shoes (oh, and let's add to the mix a spiking heel, for fashion's sake, because you don't dance bolero in a pair of Converse (though yes, Melissa, I do love Converse). Why do we put ourselves into these ridiculous positions? Well, who would we be if we didn't?

HOUSE OF DANCE is due out next month, and I'm feeling rather anxious about that, too. I thought I'd get used to this—publishing books, steeling for a response—but as a matter of fact, it gets harder. My characters are no longer mine once they emerge between hard covers. Still I want embrace for them. Which is why I was so deeply touched yesterday when I (quite by accident) happened onto the HarperTeen site (www.authortracker.com) and read some of the responses from early readers. I don't know if those who generously take the time to read and respond to books will ever know how much their time and kindness means to people like me, but if any of you are reading this, I thank you. A million times, I thank you.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Another Beginning


Cleaning out my desktop just now, tossing old files, I come across a brief piece I once wrote—my ticket in, as it turned out, to a Jayne Anne Phillips workshop in Prague. The question we applicants had been given to answer was, Why do you write?, and this was 12 years ago, when all I formally knew about writing was what I'd learned during a ten-day workshop conducted the year before by Reginald Gibbons and Rosellen Brown in Spoleto. Everything else was impulse and desire, whatever I could glean from books, whatever I had the patience to learn from the editors of literary magazines, who wrote cryptic rejection notes and sometimes (bliss) said yes instead.

Why do I write? Then as now it was dance and words, it was hollowness and the urge to fill it. I'd forgotten that somehow, until today, when I was emptying parts of my history out:


It has the impact of a first memory, though it isn’t, there were years that came before this, there were seven. I sit with my mother on the living room couch, a gold weave whose chocolate-colored medallions are going darker and darker. My brother is upstairs, my sister’s asleep, my mother says Summer, I repeat it. Sue swims in summer, she says, and dreadfully obedient, I repeat it. Samson is stronger than Sara. I hear her, I answer, I say it. Sugar is sweeter than salt, Cindy is sewing a sweater, Superman sits on the sound, Something special is slipping by Sally. I believe in all this. I say every word. Every word, but minus the S’s.

In school I go through the same exercise with a woman whose face I can’t remember in a room I would be afraid of now, if anyone closed me inside it. A stock room, maybe, a strange cold storage for torn parachutes and punctured dodge balls and the boxes of chalk that won’t write. It seems to me that she is using a machine, this blank woman, that there is metal between her S’s and me. But how could that be? Only the tongue gives up talk, a maneuver of muscle between teeth. Only the tongue, but then also the page, a page where one writes down the S’s.

Maybe this is a good a start as any. Maybe this is why I write but poorly speak. Though I don’t like it. I think it’s too sentimental. I think perhaps it’s not true, perhaps I write because I dance, write because if there is one weak muscle in my mouth there is strength in my legs, my thighs, the space between my hips, my heart in its cage of ribs leaping. There is strength in me and music in my house, turned up so loud that the wood floor sweats and the guitar that no one is playing is shaking and aching in its chest. There is music and I have to dance, I have to dance, I have always had to dance, my body like shattering glass, like a collision in the glare of a song. I write because I dance, because later, when the music is gone, my heart still leaps and my hollows ache and words spelled out in rhythms are the cure. I can close my eyes and be perfectly tame and still feel the fist of the dance in my brain.

I should not write. I should dismiss this habit started too many years ago. I don’t have the disposition, I don’t have the vocabulary, I don’t have the patience, one needs so much patience for all these words, one after the other, the only order they’ll flow in, the only sequence they’ll take: I am impatient. I should do manual labor; you don’t need a strong tongue for that. I should be out on a farm in the sunshine, running my body, lengthening the days, losing my mind in the animal instincts.

Why do I write? Why do I do it to myself every day? Why don’t I have conversations instead, just sit and tell the stories that keep twisting, knocking, clanging, bleeding, splitting in my head? I have mastered my S’s. I have learned speech without machines and I should not have to write it down, I should be finished with the page, I should be through.

I'll be returning to this blog on Friday.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Positive Thinking


Yesterday, dancing, two weeks before a show, Jean the fantastically talented (and more than a little famous) dance instructor, says to me, "I have had my revelation for the week."

"Which is what?" I ask.

"Anything is possible," he says.

"Is that a fact?"

"Yes. It's all about positive thinking."

And of course I laugh. Because he is asking me to do the impossible, because there isn't enough time to learn, because I'm too old for this. But then I say, "Okay. Fine." And strut out onto the floor and stand up straighter and settle my hips deeper and listen, really listen, for the beat. Pretend there is an audience. Pretend I have this right to dance on a stage, with a champion dancer.

And something happens. Not perfection. Not glory. But something that sets me, for those few moments, free—of self-consciousness and regret, of timidity and reserve, of a long, long life of near invisibility.

I can hide behind the words, with writing. There is nowhere to hide on a dance floor. There is nothing to do, but to believe.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Dance Soul


If you sit in the path of a breeze on an unselfconscious day, you will be danced for. Some leaf will pinch itself off a tree and, not wishing to reach the ground, will flick and glide. Or a monarch butterfly will nicker in. Or a spider will step high. Or a single spot of bravura dew will not take the straightest path down the brawny stalk in the garden. The leaf, the monarch, the spider, the dew all lie in sympathy with dance. They are, like dancers, seeking more, hell bent on the bold, wrenched toward beauty.

Friday, February 15, 2008

The Genius of Dance


Every single lesson, it's there: the genius of dance in the blood of the truest dancers. How I crave just a fraction of what they know about the insistence of the "and" beat, the telegraphics of thighs, the power of the pause. Wait, and listen, say the teachers of dance. Stop and feel. As if all that is required is a greater intuition, a greater willingness to stand up straight and practice the art of anticipating nothing, then doing the something that is in that moment called for.

Dancing requires the woman to be prepared for anything and to precipitate nothing at the same time. It requires her to assume a stance of beauty, even if old is what she feels that day, or awkward. It requires a woman to listen. On my best dancing days, I exist outside the claw of myself.

I know nothing. I seek all. I grow exhausted with the endless want of doing one thing well.

The next day I return to my desk, the story I am writing newly perched on the shelf of itself.